“You lied to me,” he said gruffly, sitting on the barstool at my counter. His blonde hair flopped in front of his eyes, and my hands itched to push it back. To get to touch him again the way I want to would satisfy only a millimeter of the need I have, but it would relieve some of the pain. I turned around to hide my thoughts.
“Ugh… I need coffee,” I said vacantly, reaching for my coffee maker. I didn’t even hear Seth move, but his hand grabbed mine and he turned me around, placing his hands beside me on the countertop to trap me. My breath caught, and I was almost positive he could hear my heart pounding in my chest.
His blue green eyes were angry, but I didn’t even care about him being mad. All that mattered was the charge that thumped between us. I was very aware of him.
“You lied, Josie. You’re not supposed to lie to me.”
“Seth… come on,” I said, turning my face away, unable to look at the raw emotion in his expression. His hand dashed out and grabbed my chin.
“How long, Josie?” he asked. I closed my eyes, not wanting to admit anything. “Open your damn eyes, Jos. Stop fucking hiding.” His voice was hard, but it was also full of desperation. I opened my eyes and narrowed them at him.
He doesn’t understand that I need to keep him away from me. My life is tainted by darkness, and he doesn’t need that. “It doesn’t matter, Seth. I’m fine.”
“Like fucking hell it doesn’t matter. I haven’t heard you scream like that since after everything that happened.”
He was referring to when I would have nightmares after I was raped. He or one of my dads would come lay with me to help me fall asleep. Every day that Seth wasn’t in school, he was there with me, trying to make the nightmares go away.
“Since the engagement party,” I whispered, looking down. I don’t know why I admitted it, but I think there was a part of me that realized I couldn’t hold onto all this pain anymore.
That’s when my resolve started to break. How long can I go on fighting the feelings that I have for Seth? How long can I act like nothing hurts me?
“Fuck, Jos…,” he whispered back, placing his forehead against mine. I was able to smell the mixture of hay and apple pie on his skin, and I almost lost my footing from wanting him so badly. “You should have told me.”
“I didn’t want you to worry,” I admitted.
“I worry about you every second you’re not with me, Pussy Cat. Every second that you hide behind that wall you’ve built, I wonder when you’re going to crack.” His hand reached up to caress my face, and I started to lean into his touch. It was only a minute movement, but I still heard Seth’s breath hitch. My lapse in self-control made him bold. He brought his mouth to the side of mine, and kissed me. I couldn’t stop the whimper before it escaped my mouth.
“There you are,” he whispered hoarsely against my lips. I wanted to bask in the moment, but I had already opened up to him too much. I pushed through the barricade he had made, and ran back to my room.